Now that I’m mostly over the shock of coming to terms with a divorce, it’s time to think about the practical implications and my future. My biggest challenge right now is money. Oh, am I sick of thinking about money. But now that I’m going to be on my own, money is first and foremost in my mind, and I hate it.
In my field of study there are very few jobs available in Central Illinois. Most of the jobs are out of state, though there’s quite a few towards Chicago. You wouldn’t think a populated area like Chicago would have more jobs in natural resources than more rural parts of the state, but that’s where the jobs are.
I was tied down here because my husband had a good paying job, and he would have a difficult time finding another one in his field elsewhere, so we stayed. Also, my family is here, so it seemed like the safe place to be. Mostly, I was too chicken to go anywhere else. As is usually the case, the real reason was listed last.
But now I am looking elsewhere. It’s mind-blowing to think of all the possibilities I have now. I could have a totally different life by the end of the year. One way or the other, I’m going to have a totally different life, but where I’ll be living that life, or what I’ll be doing, is up in the air.
I know I don’t want to stay at my current job. I didn’t go back to college in my 40s to wind up working a low paying, dead end job filled with mental and physical stress. I’d rather shoot myself than work that job until I retire. The department is always short-staffed, first and second shift are always at war, and there is absolutely no potential for advancement or even just a little bit of respect. It’s obvious we’re all expendable. That is an incredibly soul sucking truth to live with day in and day out. A lot of jobs are like that.
Honestly, I’m happiest when working for myself. I’m not the career ladder climbing type. I love the challenge of growing a business and my little side business is doing pretty good, considering I don’t have much time or energy to devote to it. If I had the time to work on it, I know it would be a full-time income and more. Now I just need to find a less demanding “day” job that will allow me to build the business in my spare time.
So, I think right now, that’s the plan. I need to find a job that isn’t trying to kill me, and it would be great if it paid more. Mostly, I just want to end the day with some energy left, so I can have a life.
Boy, are those jobs hard to find around here. Too many jobs want too much of you. I don’t want to trade my entire life for a paycheck, but that’s what most jobs demand. On the other hand, I can work long hours for myself and be perfectly fine with that. It’s true that if you do what you love, it doesn’t feel like a daily sacrifice. It’s all mental.
Well, I guess it’s time to start sending out the resumes and building the business. Nothing will change if all I do is think about changing. Thinking isn’t doing.