Roar

Roar

It’s nearing the end of 2019 and I’m glad because I’m looking forward to the 20s, although right now that only conjures up images of flappers, soup lines, the Model T and formerly rich stockholders jumping out of windows.

It’s as if the past 19 years didn’t really happen because I can’t categorize the past two decades in my mind. The 50s, 60s, 70s, yeah, I can picture those decades easily but the 200X’s and 201Xs? Nope. Can’t picture a thing in terms of style, music, culture, or really anything except 9/11, Barack Obama and Donald Trump. Many of those things I’d rather forget.

Twenty years ago seems like 1980 to me. It’s been like suspended animation except motion didn’t suspend and neither did my aging.

Whatever the case, we’re about to enter 2020 and that seems like it should be the title of a science fiction novel. It just sounds like a cool year– like something amazing should happen, like space travel, a great spiritual awakening, or an asteroid ending all life on earth.

Most likely it will mean an extremely annoying year of another god-awful presidential race.

For me personally, I do have my own goals in 2020. I had planned to go back to work for myself in October of this year but things happened, like several members of my department left and I didn’t want to leave an already understaffed department at the worst time and I just needed to get myself in a better spot financially before venturing out on my own.

My goal now is March. By then I should have my debts paid off. I don’t want that cloud hanging over me as I work on building up a business.

I’ve been working on the business part-time but I’ve learned that it is impossible to create a successful business in a half-hearted way. You got to give it your all.

But I am looking forward to being self-employed again. I love it and I didn’t know how much until I had to work for someone else. Yes, it’s nice to have a steady paycheck but I feel like I’ve lost so much of myself in the process.

I don’t know who I am until Sunday afternoon. I don’t feel like myself during the week. I just feel like a caged lion. I want to roar! I want to create and do things that are important. Not that my job isn’t important but I know I’m cut out for something else.

When you’re not following your true calling, life just stinks. I’m thankful to have a job that will allow me to pay off my debts and get me where I need to be financially but that doesn’t make today feel any more desirable. It just doesn’t.

Other than that, I’m leaving a lot of 2020 up for new possibilities. I’m willing to try new things. While I would love to get back those 19 years that I feel like didn’t happen and be 19 years younger that isn’t possible.

Time to get up and do it and welcome in the new roaring 20s. I hope I can roar.

haywired

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