Humor

Again, a Linda Ronstadt tune (parody) is in order after Hillary Clinton’s West Virginia blow out! (I sure hope Linda Ronstadt likes Hillary Clinton!) This will be the last parody, I promise!

Hillary asks, “When Will I Be Loved?”

I’ve been cheated
Been mistreated
When will I-I be loved?

I’ve been held down
I’ve been knocked ‘round
When will I-I be loved?

When i find a new state that I want for mine
If I win, I’ll still lose
It happens every time!

I’ve campaigned till I’ve turned blue
Bill and Chelsea have tried like mad dogs too
When will I-I be loved?

When I find a new state, that will…
vote for me
you can bet…the pundits will say,
my supporters…are just poor white dummies!

Whoa, I’ve been cheated
Been mistreated
When will I-I be loved
When will I-I be loved
Tell me, when will I be loved???

This is for you Hillary, you keep holding on tight to your dreams no matter what they say! Hey, look on the bright side, Barack might lose and you can try again in 2012! Uhm…isn’t that the year the world is supposed to end…sounds like our luck doesn’t it?

Hey, I finally found someone else out there as crazy as me! Go!

Read more

(Above Photo: Exotic Imports Car Lot Movie Location – Downtown Decatur. This is an updated photo taken on Sunday, May 4th. Notice the snow! How cool is that!)

The Matt Damon movie “The Informant” is about to begin shooting in Decatur! The first visible sign of the movie that you can visit, is the old Firestone service center downtown, which has been temporarily converted into an exotic car sales lot. So far, the “exotic” cars haven’t appeared, so I’m assuming filming will start as soon as the Mercedes, Porsche’s and Lamborghinis roll in. I’m guessing Mark Whitacre didn’t shop for Chevy’s and Ford’s.

To think that my eyes have looked at a building that Matt Damon’s eyes will soon rest upon is just too much! I may have even walked upon sidewalks that his very feet have already touched. Forget about the Shadows of Lincoln monuments – we have Matt Damon!

May 8th Update

I saw a friend at my daughter’s orchestra concert held at MacArthur High School last night and she showed me a picture she had taken of Matt Damon with her cell phone at the mall. It was up close, personal and everything! So far, all I’ve been able to capture is the residual energy of his presence at the Beach House and the downtown car lot scene. I did drive my car through a puddle left behind by the melting snow though 🙂 …. Rumor has it that shooting will be going on this Saturday (May 10th) at the courthouse. I’ll be there, if I’m not carted away by security!

Read more

IT IS A PERIOD OF CIVIL WAR. REBEL MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS HAVE LAUNCHED ATTACKS ON ONE ANOTHER IN HOPES OF CORNERING THE MEDICAL MARKET IN DECATUR. PATIENTS HAVE ENDURED ENDLESS FULL-COLOR NEWSPAPER ADS, COUNTLESS BILLBOARDS, RADIO SPOTS AND TELEVISION COMMERCIALS. WE ENTER A TIME OF CONSIDERABLE UNREST AND TROUBLE AS THE INTENSITY BECOMES ALMOST UNBEARABLE!

SCENE ONE:

We enter the command center of Hospital A:

SECOND LIEUTENANT IN CHARGE OF MARKETING: (Speaking to CEO)

I’m sorry sir but it looks like the naming rights for the moon have already been taken, however there is a red dwarf star in a far away galaxy that is still available.

CEO OF HOSPITAL A:

BUY IT!

COMMANDER OF MARKETING: (Speaking to CEO)

Sir, it appears that Hospital B has recently erected two new billboards on the northwest corner of town and sponsored a potluck dinner for a homeless shelter.

CEO OF HOSPITAL A:

BLAST THEM! Who allowed this? Run a full-page color ad in tomorrow’s newspaper informing our patients about our new commitment towards two-ply toilet paper in all hospital bathrooms – only the best touches our patient’s behinds!

COMMANDER OF MARKETING: (Speaking to CEO)

Yes Sir. But another full-page ad, won’t that mean we’ll have to raise insurance premium deductibles on our employees?

CEO OF HOSPITAL A:

Yes, they will have to pay more but it is a sacrifice that I am willing to make!

SECOND LIEUTENANT IN CHARGE OF MARKETING: (Speaking to CEO)

Hospital B has also installed a new CT scanner capable of scanning the entire human body within 10 seconds. Today’s newspaper has an article touting it’s great benefits.

CEO OF HOSPITAL A:

What! We just bought a new scanner last week! Oh, isn’t there some new device we can purchase quick?

COMMANDER OF MARKETING: (Speaking to CEO)

Yes, a new drive through CT scanner has just been released in Switzerland. It is the new BIO-VEHICULAR PARTICULATE IMAGER. Patients wouldn’t have to leave their vehicles for their scans. Not only is this machine capable of detecting life threatening conditions of carbon based beings, it can also detect potentially devastating mechanical problems due to piston viscosity of the internal combustion engine.

CEO OF HOSPITAL A:

YES! This is it! We could throw in free oil changes and the market will be ours – ALL OURS! BAWAHAHAHAHA!

Another chapter ends in the ongoing saga. Tune in next week for another heart pounding episode of HOSPITAL WARS!

Read more

As a Clinton supporter this election year, boy has it been rough. I’ve watched Clinton lose, be written off, win unexpectedly, lose again, get written off again, win unexpectedly again, win some states but lose the delegate count, win other states that, oops sorry, don’t count this time around, be written off again….I’m nauseous from the ride! The only thing I’ve really enjoyed these long painful disappointing months (Hillary what happened!) are the Saturday Night Live skits of Clinton, Obama and McCain.

This skit has Senator Clinton answering President Obama’s 3 AM call…

Read more

Windows’ latest update for Vista crashed my laptop computer – my Dell XPS M1530 – boy that sure sounds like a sexy name for a computer doesn’t it? It kind of reminds me of something Marvin the Martian would say. He was that famous Looney Tunes character that was always aiming his death ray at Earth; the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator (said in a nasally tone) that was going to blow up our planet because it blocked his view of Venus. Somehow Bugs Bunny would always outsmart him and save our beloved Earth. Uhm, looks like Bugs would come in handy right about now for my laptop! I’m not even sure what Vista update this is called but it was a rather lengthy process – like 8 updates in all. I thought, boy it’ll be like having a new computer after all those updates – it should run like a fine tuned racing machine now! Well, after the updates my computer ran more like a horseless carriage – complete with the hand-crank ignition! Once I turned the computer back on, it went directly to safe mode, which is not a good sign. The computer didn’t even recognize me. What? After all this time we’ve spent together! How rude! I got the “user profile service failed” message (without the nasally tone) each time I clicked on my user icon. “Sorry, but you don’t exist anymore on this computer, I hate you, go eat dirt!” Ok, maybe I threw that line in there but that’s what it felt like.

Luckily, I still have my old ancient desktop computer, which I have affectionately named “Big Bertha”, which runs XP, to search the Internet for a cure for my laptop. It takes 10 minutes to fire up but that old clunker has saved me about 4 times now with the untimely deaths and illnesses of other “sexier” laptops. Now I’m not sure if this is the only way, or the best way to get back to speaking terms with your unresponding laptop, but here we go:

1. Fire up your computer and hit F8 as soon as the system turns on.

2. Choose SAFE MODE and hit enter.

3. Once you’re in safe mode click on the start button and type in “SYSTEM RESTORE” – without the quotes and go up on the menu where it appears and select it.

4. Just follow the instructions from there. Windows should tell you the recommended action – like restoring the computer to before the update!

After that I would suggest turning off Automatic Updates until you find out it’s safe to install any new ones. Sometimes programs and drivers installed on your computer will be incompatible with an update – you just never know!

I would also suggest backing up your important files on a CD or DVD often. I can’t stress that enough!

Read more