The Pains of Home Buying

We’ve recently been searching for a new home in the Decatur area and it’s brought back scary memories from my first and only home buying experience 15 years ago.  I remember the fruitless searches.  I remember being excited by the look of the outside of the home, only to want to run away screaming once catching a glimpse, or getting a whiff, of the inside.  The absolute worst part was getting the loan.  I often wonder if that loan officer actually had a human heart in her chest or a mechanical pump circulating battery acid and prune juice.  What a witch!  It’s a miracle that anyone ever purchases a home, for it most certainly is a pain in the behind.

Set to the annoying tune:  The Twelve Days of Christmas

The Pains of Home Buying

Ditsy Real Estate Agents

Cold-blooded Bankers

Bad 70’s Décor

Moldy Basements

“Oops we didn’t disclose that?”

30 years of bills…

Endless searching

The picture looked much better

That’s a closet not a bedroom

What’s that smell?

30 years of bills…

Ugly wallpaper

Wallpaper that won’t scrape off

Wallpaper that never should have been put on

The fact that wallpaper should be banned

30 years of bills…

Faux painting gone bad

Strange stains in the carpet

Ghosts in the attic

Wondering who’s buried in the cellar

30 years of bills…

Lead in the plumbing

Asbestos in the ceiling

Termites in the framing

Radon gas silently leaking

30 years of bills…

Storm sewers spewing

Over-assessed tax bills

Schools old and scary

Anti-social psycho neighbors

Bills until you die…

Vacation Preparations

I’ve been busy planning our big vacation for this Fall. It involves plane tickets, passports, and a big ship heading to the Bahamas. This is all foreign territory for me. I’ve never been on a plane, never had a passport and never been on the ocean. The only foreign country I’ve visited is Canada – though it really didn’t feel so foreign. I’ve traveled for thousands and thousands of miles with my parents to the Rocky Mountains, been in the most desolate of places in the wilderness, on horseback with grizzly bears crossing my path, riding on winding roads through mountainous landscapes and spent many, many hours inside tourist traps. At least back then most of the items were still made in the USA. Now you know how old I am.

But my favorite destination has to be Big Trade Lake in Wisconsin. My parents, two older brothers and I, along with my parents’ best friends and their five kids spent two weeks there every July. My dad had a 1970 Chevy pickup with a truck camper and a Jon boat. My first trip to Wisconsin was when I was four years old and the last when I was sixteen.

The campground was situated on a small, narrow peninsula on the lake. Cedar trees lined the shores and filled the air with their glorious scent. A natural spring provided fresh, cold drinking water – the best water I’ve ever had. The fishing was great. Nobody ever went back skunked.

There’s a lot of funny memories of our vacations at the lake but the parts I remember most were the preparation and the traveling. Before 51 was a four-lane highway to Bloomington, that stretch of road was the worst part of the whole trip. It was often bumper to bumper. We had the misfortune of being stuck behind a pig farmer in a beater pickup from Clinton to Bloomington on one trip. We couldn’t pass because the oncoming traffic never let up. 30 miles an hour for 30 miles was enough to send anyone over the edge. Thank goodness we could close off the window from the truck to the camper once my dad became more and more perturbed. It was probably after this trip that my parents decided to travel at night.

We’d leave at midnight, after my dad came home from Caterpillar and our friends met us from Taylorville. Our friends often went over-prepared and often arrived late. They had the same size boat as us but it was loaded down with so many supplies, the trailer nearly buckled from the weight. One time, they had packed two cases of pork and beans. My dad got a laugh out of it and told them, if they ran out of gas between stations, they’d be prepared!

My mom cleaned the house from top to bottom and inside and out before our trips. She ran in and out of the front door carrying this and carrying that, often times nearing her breaking point. We knew to steer clear and do what we were told – even if cleaning a house that would sit empty for two weeks, didn’t seem to make any sense. I never knew what the big deal was. It was a vacation. It was supposed to be fun. Now that I have to make the vacation plans, I completely understand and when I come back from a vacation, the last thing I want to do is come home to a dirty house.

I’d lie down in the camper and try to fall asleep but usually never managed to. My hamster inside its cage rode next to me. She tried to run on her wheel but that didn’t work out too well along the bumpy highways. By dawn we’d be in Wisconsin. The hills, trees and rocks amazed me. Growing up in Decatur, I hadn’t had much experience with hills, miles of forest or really big rocks. They intrigued me. They still do!

But there’s something about packing up your life, even temporarily, and heading for some distant place that fries the mind. It’s adventurous but kind of scary at the same time. It’s not as if there aren’t Wal-Mart’s in every state, just in case you forget to pack your socks and underwear. You’re not going to skin a deer for clothing or stitch together fig leaves for your undergarments. Civilization is widespread but it just feels weird to buy underwear outside your home town.

Tinfoil Hat Friday

I’ve always had an interest in ancient history and civilizations.  I’ve often wondered how the universe came to be out of a “Big Bang” if nothing before the bang existed.  That makes no sense.   A new interesting theory suggests that our universe may be inside a black hole which is part of another universe.  That may explain how our universe came to be but what about the very first universe, if we are to entertain the thought of such a theory?  It’s mind-boggling to think of such things and it’s a good reminder for us all to  realize that we don’t know a whole lot about space, the universe or how exactly we got here.  Of course, the bigger question remains:  why are we are?  That question has perplexed man from day one.

Erich Von Daniken’s “Chariots of the Gods” is a dated book but it does bring up interesting questions.  Von Daniken’s most famous theory is that “ancient astronauts” visited earth many thousands of years ago.   Von Daniken believes that these technologically superior visitors from another planet shared their expertise with ancient human civilizations.  To this day, modern man still hasn’t quite figured out how the Great Pyramids were built, though we’re supposedly technologically superior.  Both the Egyptians and the Mayan cultures had an outstanding understanding of the stars, their movements, and made precise calculations based upon that knowledge. Their precise calculations equals or exceeds that of modern computers.

I’m not sold on the Von Daniken theory because I believe ancient humans, if they possessed the same brain power as we do today, could have created technologically advanced societies.  The mythological, or maybe not so mythological, civilization of Atlantis intrigues me.  No one knows for sure if Atlantis truly existed but I find such an ancient civilization plausible.  Just pick up a newspaper or turn on your 24 hour news station and nearly every day another earthquake or natural disaster has taken place somewhere on earth.  Only about 10,000 years ago, the very spot on which I’m sitting was under several thousand feet of ice during our most recent ice age.  Thousands of years from now another ice age will occur again, right here in Central Illinois.  Civilizations could easily be swept away without much of a trace, especially after many thousands of years on an ever-changing planet.

Of course I could be totally off my rocker – it wouldn’t be the first time but all these things interest me.  I’ll be beginning my anthropology studies in a few weeks, so I’ll probably have more tinfoil hat articles to come but maybe with better answers, or at  least, better questions!

Baseball

I always get a little choked up when I see the Budweiser Clydesdales trot around the field at Busch Stadium on opening day.  That song, those majestic horses and the dalmatian sitting proudly and obediently besides the driver, (why doesn’t my dalmatian behave that way?), gets me every time.  I know it’s marketing genius but I can’t help myself.

I don’t know that I remember the first time I went to the old Busch Stadium to watch a Cardinal game but I do have quite a few memories going to St. Louis with my family.  The drive was long and boring.  It still is but upon catching the first glimpse of the Gateway Arch on the hazy horizon over the swampy landfills, my brothers and I would always perk up in excitement.  My Dad would grip the steering wheel tighter in the ever increasing traffic.  My Mom acted as navigator and lookout.  You needed more than one pair of eyes driving through that traffic.  We were hicks, no doubt.  St. Louis was the “Big City”.  We might as well had been riding in on a bale of hay.

Crossing the Mighty Mississippi was a little nerve wracking at times.  I remember going to a double-header against the Cubs and the traffic was horrendous.  It was backed up for miles and our car was stuck on the bridge crossing the river.  We could have swore the bridge was moving, swaying back and forth and then we realized it was moving and swaying back and forth! My Dad wanted to fetch the life jackets from the trunk of the car.  They were still there from a fishing trip.  Now I know where I get my nervous tendencies from.  We were all green by the time we reached the other side and grateful to be on firm ground – that is until the New Madrid fault flattens St. Louis.

We’d always get to the game at least 5-6 hours early to beat the traffic and accommodate for my Dad’s bad sense of direction.  We actually get lost inside the parking garages.  After one game, we drove around in circles inside the garage trying to find the down ramp.  My brothers would yell at him, “There it is!”  And we’d go back around again.  “There it is!”  And we’d go back around again.  I hated those parking garages.  I still hate them.  There’s nothing like feeling like the lunch meat of a concrete sandwich.

We’d walk down to the Arch and stand at the base.  The sun reflecting off of the stainless steel hurt my eyes but I looked anyway.  We only went up once.  The elevators are similar in size to the inside of a large commercial dryer.  I don’t remember the trip up taking long but I remember the view from up top and most especially the door on the floor.  We wondered what it was for.  My Dad and I looked at it and stepped far from it.  We should have packed parachutes in the trunk of the car too.  We didn’t stay up there very long.

And then we’d eat on the McDonald’s river boat.  My parents hated McDonald’s food and this was the only time as a kid I ever ate it.  I didn’t care what the food tasted like.  It was just cool to be on a river boat with logs the size of small homes floating by.  Again my Dad would turn green and exit as quickly as possible.

But as green as my Dad would become, it paled in comparison to the first glimpses of the AstroTurf inside the stadium.   I’d catch small glimpses of it while walking up the never ending ramps to our nose bleed seats.  The smell of beer, hot dogs and maybe I don’t want to know what else, filled my senses.  I wondered why big cities smelled so funny.  Coming from Decatur, you would think I would have been use to funny smelling cities. We’d finally reach our section, usually the very upper deck and feel relieved to finally sit down and take it all in.

My oldest brother always kept a score card.  I didn’t know what the chicken scratches he marked on it meant but I could tell it was serious business.  I’d always watch the first couple innings but then my eyes would begin to wander.  The people in the crowd always became the far more interesting and intriguing entertainment of the night.  There was always some family who would eat themselves to oblivion.  There were always plenty of drinkers.  How on earth some people can hold so much liquid in their bladders, I’ll never know.  There were the lovebirds who made everyone feel uncomfortable.  Really, get a room knuckleheads.  There were the fans three times wider than their seats.  The smokers who gagged everyone around them.  The yelling fools.  And then of course, my attention would go back to the game when a loud cheer went  up.

Whenever something good happened everyone stood up and a I couldn’t see a thing.  I just knew from the cheers the Cardinals must have done something right.  And it always seemed my favorite player, Willie McGee would deliver the winning hit when I was there.  His jersey number should be retired!

Growing up I didn’t see baseball played on television very often, if at all.  We listened to it on the radio so it was something special to see a game played before our eyes – even if the trip was exhausting and overwhelming to the senses.

The ride home was a good way to decompress.  The night air coming through the windows blew away the funny smells.  We’d get home around midnight but I could never fall asleep. I just lie awake thinking about the events of day.  It was all good!

Well, I’ll be taking my kids to Busch Stadium, the newer and much improved version, in early May this year.  I bet they’ll get the same kick as I did.  The tall buildings, the smells, the claustrophobic parking garages, the crowd noises, and a little bit of baseball!  No Willie McGee but maybe Pujols will deliver.

Friday Funnies

I thought it would be a fun idea to once in a while ditch the political topics and write something fun.  I have tons of memories about growing up in Decatur and most of them are good ones, so…

The old wooden bridge that crossed Spring Creek on North East Carrol, was our absolute favorite hangout.  My best friend and I spent hours upon hours skipping stones, hopping from one rock to the next.  A lot of times we just sat under the bridge, hearing cars rumble overhead as the wooden planks rolled and clunked.  We built rock dams across the creek and screamed whenever we lifted a rock to find a crawdad.  I hated those things!  Their pinchers, their beady little eyes, their exoskeletons, their pinchers! They still scare me.  We built rafts out of driftwood and sticks, which supported our weight for about 3 seconds until we sunk to the bottom.  We walked up and down the creek, sometimes in our good shoes, and came home dirty and smelly.  The funny thing is, I never remember my parents ever getting mad at me for having some good clean dirty fun.

We’d play from sunup till sundown outside riding up and down South Court Drive, East Court Drive and North Court Drive on our banana seat bicycles.   Highway 51 bordered the neighborhood on the west, so there was no West Court Drive.  I’m thankful we didn’t have computers, iPod’s and video games.  Life was so much more fun when it was lived and not just talked about or played out on a computer screen.

Besides the bridge, Brettwood was our major hangout.  Those “No bicycles or skateboards allowed on the sidewalk” signs you see there today, were because of us!  My contribution to the community!

Brettwood was usually fun, except for a couple occasions.  We had this really cool idea to sneak out of our houses at 3:00 in the morning and walk to Brettwood.  My friend knocked on my window, right on time and I climbed out into the backyard.  Once in the backyard it seemed barely recognizable.  It looked creepy.  How could my backyard, my beloved backyard look so creepy?  We hurried to the back street and walked quickly.  The bridge, which seemed so benign during the day, looked like a scene out of a cheap horror movie.  It was extremely humid that night and the heavy night air was hard to breathe.  The moisture in the air could be seen, touched and felt.  Under the lone street light above the bridge, the mist  reached its arms out beneath the old wooden structure, like a clouded monster about to grasp us and pull us under.  We ran across the bridge.  We made it to Brettwood.  The post office was still located there at that time and we walked passed it.  It looked creepy.  We walked past all the stores that we knew so well and they too looked creepy.  We made it to Kroger’s which was open 24 hours a day.  The bright light shinning out wasn’t as welcoming nor comforting as we thought it would be.  We stood before the automatic doors and looked at each other.

I think every lesson our parents had ever pounded into our heads about strangers, kidnappers and murderers of careless, disobedient children suddenly popped up in our brains.  “This had been a very dumb idea.”  We both concluded.  We ran the entire way home.  The pines on Christine were dark, ominous masses of fright.  The yews, in front of the ranch style houses, surely had something sinister hiding behind them but they were all blurs as we ran by.   Sweat dripped off of my body and as I climbed back through my bedroom window, and sat in front of the fan, I vowed never to do THAT again.

This wasn’t the only time we had ran all the way home from Brettwood.  The other time involved my one and only stint in the criminal world.  We had shoplifted a couple candy bars from SupeRx, hidden in a couple hats.  These were those cheesy painter style hats from the 1980′s.  I think mine was of some bad heavy metal band like Ratt.   Just as we reached the door, the cashier yelled, “Hey, let me see what you have in those hats!”  We dashed out the door, ran  behind the shopping center and into the woods.  This was before Martin Luther King Jr. Drive had been made four lanes.  There was a small creek and railroad tracks to cross.  We ran through the water and then thought, hey maybe we should go back in forth through the water so the dogs, who the police would surely send after us, wouldn’t be able to pick up our scent.

So back and forth we went quickly and then just to be on the safe side we ran through Spring Creek near our homes just in case those dogs had really good noses.  Neither one of us had ever been so scared before.  I ran into my house and he ran to his.  We stayed hidden for a good while.  Every time I heard a dog bark I freaked.  The worst part of the whole ordeal was, we had tossed our candy bars into a dumpster, so as to dispose of the evidence.  All of that trouble and I had nothing to show for it but a guilty conscience and wet shoes.

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